Simply...Woman!

Crystal Andrus Morissette: If

you've ever felt stuck, lost or
like you're meant for more,

guess what? You are! No, I'm just
kidding, but today, we're diving

in. No fluff. No playing small.
Just straight up truth,

transformation, and the kind of
coaching that shakes you awake.

I love Empowerment Coaching
because, my love, life isn't

waiting for you to be ready. I
know, I know it's hard. It's

hard for us to get our heads
around, that it's gonna keep

moving, no matter where or how
you decide to move with it. It's

happening right now. So, let's
take a deep breath. Let's put

two feet on the floor.

Let's Root to Rise. Let's stand
tall, metaphorically speaking,

right now, and let's get to
work, because this is Simply

...Woman! - the podcast and it starts
right now.

Welcome to Simply...Woman. I'm
Crystal Andrus Morissette and

I've said it before, but this
isn't just a podcast. This

really is a safe place for raw,
real, transformation on the

spot Empowerment Coaching in
every single episode. We are

right here, live in our Simply...Woman
Recording Studio, and

every single episode, I'll be
coaching women live, women just

like you and me, us, women who
are ready to break free from

whatever mental constraint. And
it really might feel like a

physical constraint because
things manifest physically, but

they always first start in the
brain and in the thoughts and in

the spirit,

good and bad. It's time for us
to reclaim our energy, right?

Our energy! And that really
means reclaim our power, our

light, our brightness, our...

our...

our right to be joyful, happy
and vibrantly alive in our lives

right now, right now today. It's
time to step into the woman that

you were always meant to be;
that I was always meant to be.

And right now, women are in our
Simply...Woman Recording Studio.

They're stepping into this
moment with me. Like I said last

week, they don't even know
what's going to happen because

I don't even know even know
what's going to happen, but I

know they are ready. Here's the
best part. You might hear your

own story. That's what's so
beautiful about just even being

a fly on the wall right now
listening into a coaching

conversation, because you might
find a breakthrough that you

didn't even know you needed
because the truth is,

transformation doesn't happen
for just the woman I'm coaching.

It happens for me. That's why I
love this as a career choice,

because you don't have to be
perfect. You have to be able to

meet a woman where she's at. You don't
have to be perfect as a coach,

that's for sure. But here's
what's so incredible about it is

every time you meet a woman
where she's at and you remember

who you are, and you help remind
her of who she really is. Wow,

every single one of us who
chooses to listen, to watch, to

feel what's happening, to be a
part of the energy... we all rise!

Right before we went into record
mode here, I had one of my

clients who has been in my world
for many, many years, and we've

just decided to do some coaching
in the last couple of weeks,

last couple of months, really. And
Janet came on today, and she

said, You know what? I know I
have a coaching call lined up

with you soon, but I'm ready.
Let's do it today. Let's see

where this takes us, because I
can promise you, just like Janet

and I just getting started,
really in her next year of

coaching with me, this year of
coaching with me, this is just

the beginning for YouTube. So
Janet, if you feel comfortable,

you can go ahead and unmute your
line and say, hi, Crystal. I'm

here.
Janet: I'm here.
Crystal: Can I ask
everybody who's in the recording

studio right now to send us just
a little extra love to you. Can you

see Janet in the gallery view.
For those of you that are

watching, you can just for a
pause, say, Wow, Janet, has a

lot of courage. I'm going to
send her a lot of my love right

now. Just going to send her some
great energy my way. We're all

going to do that. So Janet,
what's going on in your world?

And I would love to be able to
support you, even if you're not

even 100% sure why you said,
yes, let's just go for it and

see where it takes us.
Janet: Well, I
was going to say, I don't even

know why I said yes, because I'm
like, I should back out, I

should back out, I should back
out.

Crystal: But something in you felt
courageous enough today to say,

yay. What was that like? Let's
just not even overthink it. The

truth is, just start with that.
The truth.

is Drystal. The truth is.
Janet: the truth
is, I mean, your intro was

perfect, because is, I'm feeling
stuck in life

so many areas.

Crystal: Yeah, there's a laugh of truth,
ladies. Those of you who've done

coaching with me for a while
know there's, there's this, like

spontaneous tears that come, and
spontaneous little giggles they

come. And I just want to always
tell you, as a coach, somebody

laughs like that. It's actually
the nervous system, the body is

so brilliant that those little
laughs. Because I'll tell you

when I first decided I needed to
understand this, by the way,

Janet, we're coming back to you.
We're just doing some

empowerment coaching as well.
Right now,

I was in a I was doing an
interview, and someone the host

was asking me some questions
about something in my life that

was extremely painful, and it
caused me a lot of pain. And as

I talked, I just told the story
and didn't think about it, but

afterwards, someone who watched
it said, and it it hurt me, and

it jolted me, and then it made
me want to understand why I do

that, and why I see other people
doing it all the time. And she

said, I can't believe you were
talking about something so

traumatic, like being sexually
abused, and you had like, kind

of a smile on your face the
whole time.

And I said,

I mean, it was an email that was
sent to me, and it made me

think, I need to understand. And
I watched it back and realized

we do that number one that's a
little bit different, that

smile, just like because we're
actually trying to soften what

we're saying for ourselves. Our
own brain needs to actually be

like, okay, it wasn't that bad.
It wasn't bad I can get through.

We're all so so aware of not
wanting to be jolting for other

people, that we kind of want to
soften it and be lovely and be

selfish. It's kind of like it
wasn't so bad, and I survived.

And look at it. Look at me now.
I got my great sweater on. So

everything's good.

Those little laughs of truth and
tears are truth. Are more like

when you go to a comedy act, or
you're watching a movie, and

something is almost so little
bit extra that it's just enough

to make you laugh your head off,
because there's truth to it. And

then you're like, they just they
add that little extra that you

can't help but laugh. So that's
another way that we find ways of

like kind of dealing with our
own stress. That's what

comedians do. They take
sometimes really stressful

situations. They put a spin on
it. We all laugh at ourselves.

Laughter is the best medicine.
So why Janet just had that

little laugh of, I'm really
stuck in life in a lot of areas.

She doesn't actually think it's
funny, by the way. I just want

to say it's her body's way of
saying,

well,

it's not so bad. Don't worry.
So, Janet, thank you already for

letting me do a whole breakdown
on the laugh of truth after five

words. Back to you, Janet, so
let's use that word stack,

because a lot of women use that
word when they first come to

coaching, and even after they've
been in coaching for years, but

have stepped away. Because it is
always once you've stepped away

for a little bit, you very
rarely are going to feel stuck

after a coaching call, but you
are going to feel stuck

sometimes before one. Because
really what empowerment

coaching, it's very different
than life coaching. It is not a

to do list, and not that every
single modality doesn't have a

brilliant place. It does. But
what we do is we really try to

help someone have a shift in
perception. This is not

spiritual bypassing. This is a
shift in the way that they're

looking at themselves, a
problem, a situation,

a struggle, so that they can see
that there's other choices in

here, so that we don't have to
feel so stuck, because stuck is

one of the biggest words. So
what Janet just said is really

universal. So Jenna, if you
could put two feet on the ground

and take a big breath and it
didn't make you a bad mom, I

don't know why I just threw mom
in first. I should have just

don't. Should his guilt. I
should have done anything. I

should have just trusted myself.
If it didn't make you a bad mom,

it didn't make you a bad
daughter,

it didn't make you a bad wife, a
bad worker, a bad employee, a

bad woman. It didn't mean
anything about you, and you

could just let yourself drop
down out of your busy brain,

because the brain is always
thinking, but it's not feeling,

and it can't tell you what you
feel. By the way, it doesn't

know. In fact, if you ask your
brain, why am I dumb,

your brain doesn't go, girl,
don't talk like that about

yourself. You're not dumb. Your
brain is a Google like a search

engine. So it'll just go well,
the reasons that you're dumb is

because you.

Do, blah, blah, blah, blah, and
we'll tell you all the reasons.

So if we don't know how to ask
ourselves the right questions,

or we don't have a coach that
knows how to ask the right

questions, the coach would say,
How are you feeling? And you

could just go, I feel stuck, and
then we could just stay in that

and or I feel amazing when the
truth is under the surface,

who didn't make me a bad woman,
I didn't mean anything about me.

It just meant I could tell
myself the truth so I could get

unstuck.

What am I really feeling so
Janet, if it didn't make you

mean anything about you good or
bad,

there's no story attached to it,
good or bad,

and you could tell yourself the
truth, because out of that

place,

magic happens.

What are you feeling? Feeling in
your body,

and it might be a physical
sensation. You could identify.

It might be a color. It might be
a emotion, like you might

actually be able to say, I feel
sad or I feel angry or I feel

afraid. But it doesn't always
have to be an emotion, because a

lot of times women don't know
what the emotion is. They just

know the feeling.

So what are you feeling?

It's a

lot of anxiety.

Okay, so let's say with that
word, even like, let's drop out

of your brain, because your
brain, forgive me, of anything I

ever say is triggering the brain
comes up with the word anxiety.

But the brain, the body, doesn't
actually feel it would be like,

what does that feel like? What
does that anxiety feel like

inside you

like,

like a, churning in my stomach,
churning like a, you know, like

a, I don't know it's, stay with
it, stay in your body. Don't

come up into your brain, come
back down to your body. Let's

both. Let's all of us. Let's
imagine we could all do this.

Because this is what's so
beautiful about energy. We can

all actually kind of if, if
Janet would give us permission,

kind of feel this with her. We
can all kind of say, like,

can you drop down into your body
and have you? Can you feel

anxiety? You

don't have to be resonating
there. You can feel a feeling

without becoming the emotion. By
the way, I do this all the time

when I'm coaching someone, I go
there with them. I'm going to

feel that feeling with you.
We're both going to feel it

churning, poof anxiety. You know
what I'm feeling? Janet, how I

picture it almost like a

Oh my god, the swirling, oh my
god, is swirling. There's a

swirling, oh my god, it's gonna
suck you down. You're gonna

drown like it's going it's like
the sink, the sink, the spiral

is spiraling. You're spiraling
the sink, but it's the drain.

That's what churning feels like
to me. But maybe that spiral.

What does churning feel like to
you, Janet, churning,

spiraling. It's like a starting
in the throat, and it like it

just come from throat to, I
would say, solar, sacral, even

go as far as sacral, that
sacral. Okay, I'm going to tell

you something. It can spiral.
Here's crystal, and she's so

glad that she's in her own and
she's not on like some channel,

it'll go right to your butt
hole. Actually,

no, just laughed,

and don't we gotta mute your
line. It will go right to your

butt hole. Here's why, because
it's actually your vagus nerve

you're talking about. It's a
physical thing, so it starts

right in the back of your your
neck, connected to your brain,

and it's the longest nerve. It's
a nervous system thing we're

talking about Janet. So it is
connected from the back of your

head, and it goes right down
through your throat, like you

said, starts in your throat, and
it runs all the way down your

body, and it goes all the way to
your pelvic area, to your root

chakra, to your butt. In fact, I
remember one time years ago, I

was so mad that I actually said,

I'm so angry, I could just shit
myself right now. And we all

laughed. Everyone around me, we
laughed so hard that it broke

the ice, because I was just
like,

and I was like, that is
actually, that's your vagus

nerve. Your nervous system will
go right down to your butt. It's

like that feeling of like it,
and this is why feelings are

felt in the body. So the first
thing I want, I want to

encourage you to do is to
breathe into the churning. Go to

it. Don't run from it, because

everything in life will stay
until it's addressed. Everything

nothing just leaves on its own.
What we resist persists is what

Carl Jung said.

Yeah, and crystal. Love adding,
I like I added a little extra to

it, and what it we accept
changes. So what we resist

persists, and what we accept
changes. So Janet, let's try

this.

Just try saying this out loud
with me, close your eyes and

just breathe into that place for
a minute, the churning, the

churning, I bet it's already
dissipating a bit because we're

talking about it, I know that's
how beautiful energy is. I

accept that I feel churning
right now from my throat all the

way down to my my gut.

I accept accept this churning,

and I accept that this is just
the way my body is telling me

that it's feeling fear.

I'm just breathing into that.

So let's just do a quick check
in now, on a scale of one to 10,

the churning where it was, say,
four or five minutes ago, and

Janet, you can just let me know
to the the level that it was now

where it was to say, how is the
churning now? Is it? Is it

slowing down a bit, quite a bit.

Take a big, deep breath,

and then just blow out fear,

and I accept that the churning
is slowing down,

and I accept that it's actually
just a physiological response to

an old trigger.

It's old stuff.

You could open your eyes Janet,
I accept that this is old stuff

that's coming up for me.

You can say it out loud to me,
except that this is old stuff

coming up for me. How does that
feel when you say that

feels true? Yeah, feels true to
me too. And if everyone that was

on is on right now, live with
us. Even if you're listening as

a as the podcast replay.

We can all feel truth, every one
of us. Like, if we just allow

ourselves to get out of our busy
brains. And as a coach, just to

say, let me go here with you so
we can feel that feeling without

becoming fear.

That was a that you just did it.
You got to let yourself feel

that, rather than because.
Janet, how long has that feeling

been in there? Like, has it been
there all day,

maybe a month. Okay, so for a
month, your body's been asking

you to acknowledge it,

and for a month, what have you
been doing with that churning

feeling,

watching Netflix? I

did you just notice her nice
smile? I didn't laugh.

It couldn't stop herself. So

we all find ways to distract
ourselves. We all find ways to

protect ourselves when we feel
things in the body we don't want

to feel, and no one ever taught
us just how to feel it like I

spent so much of my life, like,
so afraid of anything getting

messy, any relationship getting
messy. Because, oh my god, what

if people don't aren't happy, oh
my god, what if somebody isn't

feeling good? Like, I can't deal
with other people around me not

feeling good, and if the people
around me don't feel good, then

I can't feel good. That's called
co dependency.

So

Janet,

what has been at the base of
what you've been feeling like

underneath that feeling of the
churning and watching the

Netflix, and what do you think
is under it? And you might it

might not be that, but what do
you feel is kind of at the root

of this anxiety, or the fear,
the churning right now?

Well, it's my health. Okay,

let's talk about that.

And then my

daughter and the relationship
her and I have, and, you know,

the one that

she doesn't have with my
husband, and I feel kind of

I'm co dependent. I'm just
discovering that I'm co

dependent.

I'm listening to some things
these last few days, and I'm

going my husband and I are
attached at the hip,

and because

he's having difficulty with my
daughter,

I feel somehow I don't know how
I'm supposed to feel

it's crazy, I know, but no, it's
not. It's really something that,

as mothers, most of us
experience until we're taught

differently. But listen, you
don't have to be a mother to be

co dependent, my goodness, like
we there are so many women that

are just going through life.

And we're at work, and it's
like, well, if the people around

me aren't happy, it's really
hard for me to be happy, and I

don't know how to feel so and
here's why Janet and I've

struggled with it too. So you're
talking to someone who has to

make a conscious, mindful effort
to

remind myself of what is mine?
And what I mean by that is, what

is my energy? Meaning? What are
my emotions? Because we can

almost take those words and like
energy, emotions, consciousness,

empowerment, they're almost all
the same in the context of what

we're how we're using it. So

we have to be aware of, like,
what are my emotions and like,

what am I responsible for? So,
Janet, you are responsible for

how you feel.

That's a big one that I've had
to learn too like, but I'm

responsible even when I'm really
angry and I want to shit myself,

I'm still responsible for those
feelings, like they're still my

still my anger, however it got
there, even if it's even if we

believe it's justifiable

and righteous anger, like we've
all heard about righteous anger,

and so there's a place for that,
in terms of climbing to

empowerment, it's we wouldn't
want to stay in righteous anger,

because you would just kill
ourselves with anger. It would

implode on us.

And then what's what is theirs,
what is yours and what is

theirs. So what is your
emotions, your energy, what you

have control over, what you can
even have any that you and then

what is not yours, and then what
is not yours. It's really hard

for you to get your head around
that that's your husband's

responsibility to feel and deal
with his own emotions, because

you also said something, and it
might have just been a little

been a little you said, My
daughter instead of like our

daughter? Is it the same father?
No. Oh, so it's your daughter

before. Yeah, Steve doesn't have
any kids, but he's been in our

lives for 20, almost 20 years.
So okay, so he's been in your

life for 20 years. And how old
is your daughter? She is going

to be 29 and the other one's 31
okay, really close to me. You

know, like you and I have very
similar paths, like I've been

with Aaron for nearly 20 years,
and we got together when the

kids were the same age that you
and your husband. Your husband

got together, and he doesn't
have children of his own. So I

will tell you from experience
that probably one of the hardest

things that I ever went through
in my life, and I've been

through, Oh, terrible things, is
dealing with the relationship

between my husband and my
daughter,

so you just came to the right
place today, because I remember

thinking like it and but here's
the great news. Is that this was

10 years ago when my kids were
teenagers, and you're dealing

with it with a 29 or a 31 year
old, and they're grown ass women

now, and is really not your job
to be in the middle of that in

any way, shape or form. It is
nothing to do with you, and

that's hard to get your head
around. That is

no, it's really hard, because
you might be like, but, but, so

we're going to come back to you,
I promise you. So I just want to

say, like, I remember at one
point, honestly, Janet, I can't

even believe I'm going to be so
bold as to say this. I went

through the darkest nights of
the soul in my 40s trying to

manage my marriage and my
children and all the pain of my

past seemed to compound at that
time with their dysfunction, and

it doesn't surprise me that your
health is suffering at a time

when you're trying to navigate
people that you love who don't

like each other.

It's hard like you love your
daughters and you love your

husband and they don't love each
other. Now your husband is going

to say what my husband said, Of
course, I love them. I love

them. They're mine. They're my
children too. In fact, if I were

to say my kids, that's why I
kind of heard that, because I

think Aaron would say our kids,
and it's our granddaughter. We

have a little baby, Freya bloom
now. So like he would never say,

your granddaughter, baby Freya
bloom. It's I'm so excited to be

a grand p and so. And now he
gets to actually feel like he

has

chilled family, like it's
something different is shifting.

It's a beautiful thing that's
happening. So I'm hearing you

say, My daughter,

which does bring me to pride.
Whenever we use the word my

which I do it too, my baby,
Freya, bloom

and my.

Children, my school and my
clients and my coaching process.

So it is hard sometimes to bust
through what I call and I teach

you, and then maybe you haven't
gotten to that lesson yet,

because, because Janet has
signed up to be a personal

empowerment coach. We don't know
if it's gonna happen. Janice,

like, Don't even say that. What
do you say? Don't say that. We

don't know. Nobody needs to know
that that's probably never gonna

happen.

But she did sign up for it. So
we shall see what happens with

Janet. But three times, three
times, she keeps signing up for

it,

maybe it's now is the lucky time
throughs the magic charm. So

Janet, there's something called
the shame, pride loop that I

teach about, and it's sort of
like we get ourselves to

imagine, like emotionally,
something happens, and your

husband and your daughter,
they're going at it like they're

give me a little scenario, like,
you don't tell me what he said.

And then she said, Because none
of that matters with this type

of coaching. It's not therapy,
it's not the past, where we go

then what did he say? Oh, that's
And what did she say? I mean, we

can do that. The truth of Janet,
you could sit for hours and tell

me all the things and the thing,
and then he said that. And I

could be like, ooh. And
sometimes when you first start

coaching someone, you need to
give them, but I've been in your

world for a while, so the ladies
here might be like, how are you

moving past the issue that
quickly? But I already know sort

of the issue, which is Janet,
why don't you give us the very

quick

Cliffs Notes version, or, as we
would say here in Canada, Cole's

Notes version of

what's going on in your world.
So you, you been with Steve 20

years. You talked about your
health, you talked about your

daughter. Give us the sort of
the what's happening. There was

just, just a quick my there was
some family issues with the

younger daughter that I'm
talking about, and in Steve's

mind, she was very mean to me
during a very difficult health

issue that I'm still going
through, and she wasn't nice to

me. So He figures he can't, he
can't forgive her. And I'm like,

Well, I'm willing to, because I
want to move past this, right? I

don't want to be stuck in what
she said a year ago. You know,

hurt people. Hurt people, right?
So she's, she's hurt somehow she

didn't get what she needed in
her life, and she wanted to make

sure she knew that, you know,
she felt that she knew that she

wanted me to know, that that's
how she felt. The only way she

felt like she could talk to me
was by being mean.

That's very wise, the way you're
describing that. That takes a

lot of insight and wisdom, the
way you're describing that, like

my daughter was really hurt, and
clearly things have happened,

and for some reason when I was
going through but break it down,

what? What like, what happens?
So you find out. Let's tell the

ladies, you find out you have
cancer. Yeah, stage four cancer.

And

I'm already hearing the wise
woman energy, maybe a little

mother energy, doing me, but
it's okay, like I have stage

four cancer, and it was hard for
my daughter. It was hard for my

30 year old daughter, or my 25
year old daughter. I don't mean

it to sound like that. Now I'm
gonna validate you. Janet,

here's the validation part,
coaches, this is how we validate

that is mean,

like you find out you have stage
four cancer, and what I'm really

hearing as I write that down is

my husband worries that I
struggle with guilt.

This is an otherwise my husband
worries that I struggle with

guilt and I feel guilty for
stuff. I don't really even know

what I'm feel guilty about, but
somehow, as a mother, I feel

guilty and and I I'm sick, and I
just want everyone to get along,

and I just want everyone, I just
want to forgive her, and I just

want everyone to get along, and
I just want to be healthy, and I

don't want to be angry, and I
don't want you to be angry. And

can we all just

get along? God damn it.

Yeah, yeah. And so he's saying
wasn't good in our household

growing up, we didn't deal with
conflict. When I was growing up,

it would this just be like, you
know, just shut up and let the

topic fall away. And that's kind
of how you deal. That's how you

learned how to deal with things.
We and it. And again, I want to

Crystal isn't filtered, so stuff
comes out of my mouth sometime,

and I can only speak to the
experience of that I know of as

a very white Anglo Saxon
Protestant. It's called Wasp,

and it's a cultural thing where
a lot of wasps do not talk about

family secrets. We don't talk
about things, we often don't

show emotions. So.

Secrets are secrets. Family is
family. Blood is thicker than

water. Shut your mouth. Get
along. If you have nothing nice

to say, say nothing at all and
suck it up buttercup.

Very and we don't fight

it's really funny. People from
other cultures find our culture,

like really shocking. It's like,
everybody's lovely,

and we leave, we cry our eyes
out on the drive home. Then we

get on the phone when we get
home and talk about that person

to everybody else.

We talk about other than but bad
brat kid that we cry our eyes

out with other people. And then
our husbands are like,

I'm going to fight for you,
because you're not standing up

to anybody, and I'm gonna fight
the fight for you. And then you

have to be like, Steve, stop it
now. I'm gonna get a fight with

you too, but I don't talk to you
either, so I'm gonna Stonewall

you. I'm gonna Stonewall
everybody. We'll just run to the

bathroom and lock the door,

and then maybe in an hour,
everybody will settle down, and

I'll creep out, and every it'll
have passed, and then nobody

will ever talk about it. And
then we'll all get together at

the next together at the next
family dinner. We'll have

anxiety for three weeks knowing
that we have to see each other.

We will get there. We'll are not
stomach will be churning.

We will want to shit ourselves.

The vagus nerve is like,

this is not a safe place. Being
with family is not safe. I need

to get the hell out of here as
soon as the thing is done. And

then, like, we just repeat
patterns. It's generational

trauma, different cultures,
different ways. The other

cultures are like, we get
together and we scream at each

other and we express it all. And
when we're together, if I'm mad

at you, I'm going to tell you.
And then other cultures watch

that and go, what's wrong with
those people? They're crazy. But

then some other cultures are
like, Yeah, we screamed it all

out, and then we hugged it out,
and then we we danced and drank

some wine, and we're really
excited about seeing each other

next weekend.

Okay, so

it's learned.

It's all learned. And you were
not taught how to feel your

feelings like I was taught in my
house was, if you have nothing

nice to say, you say nothing at
all. Children are to be seen and

not heard before we went into a
restaurant or out for dinner

somewhere, my father would park
the car, then he turned back in

the seat and he say, I'm just
I'm letting you know. And he

might like maybe adjust his
belt, just to let you know he

does have his leather belt on,
just letting you know I expect

this to be a manners meal.

You know exactly what that
means. And everybody gets out of

the car, and you walk in and you
walk in, and you're really the

best behaved children and the
well, Mabel, Mabel, if you're

able get your elbows off the
table,

this is not a horse is stable.
This is a friendly dining table,

except it's not friendly.

And so, Janet, I get you, and
now you're sick and healing

and wanting to you're now
realizing, listen, if I don't

break through this shame pride
loop, because pride is going to

keep me stuck in the story of
she was mean to me,

and I could fall down into The
anger over that story. She

wasn't mean to me, and I was
sick, and she should have been

there for me. And what the hell.
And I don't care that she's

scared, and I don't care that
she needs to get out every last

thing that she because she
thinks I might be dying. I don't

care. And then we fall down into
desire. Well, I just want to get

better, and so I'm just going to
forgive everybody. And then we

fall down into fear. Oh my god.
And then we fall down. And then

we fall, and we fall. And then
we hit shade,

and who I am is not good enough,

and what I did was not good
enough, and the way I raised

these kids was not good enough.

Does that resonate 100%

so if we were to imagine right
now. You just, let's pretend,

because you might really be up
resonating in love and like, I

just love. Micah, here's the
thing, if you really were truly

resonating up in love where
you're like, I just want

everyone to get along, they
wouldn't actually trigger you.

And the fact that they're not
seeing eye to eye right now. If

we really, truly were empowered,

we would be able to see it
through different lenses. So

it's nothing to blame ourselves.
It's just I'm looking at this

through the lenses right now,
and I haven't broken through

that loop yet, because it's a
brain thing.

It's your nervous system, it's
your vagus nerve, it's your

emotions, it's brain patterns
that have to be disrupted,

almost like an addiction. Like
to me, that's what an addiction

is. We get addicted to grief, we
get addicted to anger, we get

addicted to fear, we get
addicted to anxiety, like our.

Body becomes so physiologically
addicted to the rumbling all the

time that when it gets peaceful
and calm,

it's like we're going through
withdrawal. I don't even know

how to do that myself. I'm
happy.

I need to, like, get in there
and find out what's going on

with my daughter and Steve.

I need to bring on some of that,

because I don't know how to
actually just operate on my own

in joy. So this is a learned
thing for all of us, ladies,

every one of us, being able to
actually separate and realize

I am not my mother, but I am my
mother's daughter,

but I'm as different of a human
being from my mother than I am

from my husband. I'm my own
person, and I am not my

children, and they are not me.
They have their own hot air

balloon to get into,

to soar in their own life. And I
can't actually take anyone in my

hot air balloon, except if I had
a little baby, she'd have to

come with me, because I would
have to feed her, nurse her

maybe. So gotta take the baby,
other than the baby, once those

kids are standing on their own
two feet, they got their own hot

air balloon.

So now you're in your hot air
balloon, and you're really ready

to lift off. So now you have to
take the baggage, the rocks that

are weighing you down,

and

let go of them so that you can
naturally, effortlessly rise

back up into who you truly are,
who you just really are. Because

the beautiful thing is, once you
realize you're not anything

lower, you truly, the essence of
who you are is so high vibing

and so light and loving and
bright that this is a lot of

work to stay down here.

It's exhausting to be unhappy.

It is exhausting to have to
carry the weight of your

children and your husband
emotionally you think you have

to. So what if you were to say,
I accept?

Maybe we say it out loud, I
accept. And she doesn't even

know what she's accepting. She
just trusts me blindly. I accept

that I have learned to carry the
weight of the world. I accept

that I have learned to carry the
weight of the world and

everybody else's world in my
life. I've accept there's

another laugh of truth. I accept
that I somehow took on

conditioning. I somehow took on
conditioning. I took on a story,

and I've believed I took on a
story, and I believed that their

emotions were somehow mined to
fix or heal or make better, that

their emotions were somehow
mined to fix or heal or make

better. And I accept that I have
literally zero control over how

they feel. And I accept that I
have literally zero control over

how they feel.

Like that just felt like

holy. And I accept that if I
choose to rewrite this script, I

could

let go of that responsibility,
and I chew IX, I don't have to

worry about it. If you How does
that feel? How do you feel?

Janet, when you say, like, I'm
gonna, what if I couldn't want

to rewrite the story completely?
Yeah. And here's the thing, it

very rarely gets rewritten
completely like that, because

here's the thing about our body,
so I love her laughing truth

again.

It's like titrating the Titanic.

Okay, you're never going to
just, it's very, very rare that

we have healings. And I'm going
to call it loosely, the word

healing, meaning, heal thy self,

heal thyself. Healthy. It's very
rare that we can get healthy.

And what healthier? And when I
say healthy, it doesn't always

mean cancer free. It might be.
I'm so at peace with who I am. I

have no symptoms, and
everything's in remission, and I

don't like I'm living life
joyfully. So I'm not attached to

a specific outcome, but I am
attached, and accepting of the

realization that

bit by bit, I I really can turn
the trajectory of things.

Um,

and you're doing that. Listen,
miracles sometimes happen like

that, like the truth is,
sometimes you just go, Whoa,

holy. Shit, I don't

have to look at it that way
anymore. Oh my god, freedom. I

just feel instantly free. And
sometimes it feels like okay, I

feel instantly free, but now I
have to go back to my life, and

I don't know that I'm going to
be able to maintain this

strength day in and day out,
without a bit of a plan in place

to help me now.

Gate things. So in empowerment
coaching, we always do emotions

first and strategy second. Like
I would never give someone

advice, because I don't. I'm not
in your shoes, so you will know

the right next step. You'll feel
it, and I can guide you with

some questions to help you
navigate and figure out what

would be just the next, the next
step.

I'm not very big on creating to
do lists, and I'll tell you why.

I don't mean you don't say what
is my highest producing activity

today, write three things down.
But I'm not big on like,

overwhelming lists, because they
paralyze you, and it's kind of

like analysis paralysis. There's
too much to do. So if someone

had said to me, Okay, two and a
half years ago, by the way,

Crystal, in the next year,
you're going to lose 60 pounds,

and you're going to your
husband, you're going to make

massive changes in your
marriage. You're going to make

it, and then you're gonna make
it, and then you're gonna do

this, and they're gonna do that.
And then in two years now,

you're gonna launch a podcast,
and then you're gonna write

another book, and then you're
and you gotta do this, this,

this, and this, and you better
spend the money on this, this,

this, and then you're gonna do
this, and then, oh yeah, Leslie,

and you're gonna put a retreat
on down in Mexico. And then, oh,

by the way, that's gonna happen,
and that's gonna happen and

that's gonna happen and that's
gonna you just go that. Seems

overwhelming. I don't think I'm
chosen for this. This is too

much for me. So I always just
say to women, okay, let's help

remind you of who you really
are, like Janet,

if you could think back to a
time in your life and it just

has to be, and it doesn't have
to be like some incredible

moment, but just a moment that
you felt

that feeling the sun setting,
standing on the beach, warm sand

under your feet, the water
lapping in and just for a

moment, your worries were washed
away. Can you remember any

memory? Can you just think of
something

you went to the west, east coast
this this summer? Did you not?

Do you have any moment on that
trip that there was a moment of

just, wow, look at this
beautiful place?

Yeah, most of the trip was like
that. Okay, so pick one moment.

Just pick one moment in your
mind. They don't have to

compete. It's we're not
competing for anything right

now. We're just going to pick a
moment, if you could close your

eyes and let's do this again.
Because here's the thing,

ladies, your imagination is your
greatest tool for healing.

Your imagination is your
greatest tool.

So let's imagine that we're back
in that place. Every one of us

can do it. Pick a memory that
you loved, just everyone pick

something, and you might have 50
memories that, like I was happy,

that they're not competing. We
just want one. Let's go with it.

You're where are you?

What are you doing?

Are you alone or someone with
you?

What's the environment like?

Is it Sunny? Are you outside?
Are you inside? Is it raining?

Cloudy, gorgeous, bright, heat,
cold,

breathe it in.

Breathe more of that into your
body right now, like you're

there.

Feel it inside you, down into
your body, all the way down from

your throat, feeling it coming
down and slowing down, all the

churning, feeling it come all
the way down into your solar

plexus, bringing all that love
and joy and happiness into your

body now.

And if you could just describe
yourself in that moment, just

two words,

the words that come up for you,

anchor those words in now.

Like just really feel those
words.

And then as you're in that, that
kind of place of like this is

who I really am when I'm happy.
You can even say I am, and then

say those two words,

and then just gently bring your
awareness back to the room. That

was pretty easy. You just
remembered who you really are.

That's really easy. That's how
easy it is. So what words

describe you in that moment?
Janet,

joyful and carefree. I am joyful
and carefree. Say that a few

times for me, just say it out
loud. Don't stop. I'm going to

tell you what I want every I am
joyful and carefree. I am joyful

and carefree. Slow down. Care
for you. Really feel it. I am

joyful and carefree. I am joyful
and carefree. I am joyful and

carefree. I am joyful and
carefree. I am joyful and

carefree. I am joyful and
carefree. How does that feel?

So when you say that, how does
that feel? Feels good? Yeah,

yeah, because the truth feels
good,

and the truth will set you free.

And when we live true to who we
really are,

the choices we make

just so different than when we
get pulled into other people's

drama,

and then we have to start
thinking like it's somehow your

job to not no longer to be
joyful and carefree. Suddenly

you have a new job and it's to
be unhappy

and careless,

to be unhappy and careful,

whatever word you want to throw
in there, the opposite.

So the truth is, I bought into a
story a long time ago that being

a good mother and a good wife
meant I couldn't just remain

joyful and carefree

and I see your smile of truth
and the nodding of your head.

Tell me what that feels like for
you. Yeah, that's yeah. That's

resonates so much with how I
feel like I I'm responsible for

everybody else to be happy, but
I've forgotten about me. So what

have you now adopted a new thing
that said, I'm not only not

responsible for everybody else
to be happy. That is a crazy

expectation of any human being.

Could you imagine if all of a
sudden you and your mind

literally, was like, It's my
daughter's job to make sure that

I'm happy. Do

you think your daughter would
take that job on? No,

Steve.

Steve,

you have a job to do, and it's
to make me happy. So everything

you do is you go about your day.
You should be constantly

thinking about what you could do
to make me happy. How long do

you think Steve will be able to
keep up that job and do it well?

Not well. So why would it be
your responsibility to keep

Steve happy?

That is a that's actually an
impossible task that nobody

could do.

So

if we could now just move
through the empowerment

spectrum, and we were to think
about the different

communication styles on the
empowerment spectrum, passive is

at the very bottom of the
spectrum.

I'll even put a little image of
the empowerment spectrum up,

but passive is at the very
bottom. And passive is a

communication style that we have
deep inside that says something

like it is what it is, and
there's nothing I can do about

it.

I there's not a lot I can do
about it. And here's what's

crazy. Do you have any women
I've heard over the years say

I'm a pacifist, and I think that
is about the opposite of

empowerment as one can possibly
be.

Peaceful is at the top of the
empowerment spectrum, passive is

as disempowered as a human being
can be. And the minute you think

to yourself,

there's nothing I can do,

you disempower yourself. And so
that would move us up a little

bit, which might move into
passive aggressive.

Let's just move up the spectrum.
Passive aggressive is this

sucks. I don't like it. I don't
want to do this anymore, and I'm

angry that I have to keep doing
this, and I don't know how to

get my needs met. So I'm just
trying

so hard to make everybody happy,
and I can't make anybody happy.

And I'm gonna watch Netflix for
the next month, and I'm gonna

not feel good about myself, and
I'm just gonna hope that

everybody around me sees what
they're putting me through.

I love the way do you see I'm a
bit of an actress. Janet talk to

me. Yep, that certainly
resonates from years ago and

still today. I think there's a
part of me that's still passive

aggressive. Well, I think
everyone is, until they learn

how to like, really learn how to
communicate in a way that they

realize I can always tell my
truth, and I never, ever, ever

have to abandon myself,

emotionally, financially,
mentally, physically, sexually.

I never have to abandon myself
in order to make something work

in life, and if I think I have
to abandon myself,

I'm disempowering myself and I'm
passive and passive aggressive.

Okay, does that resonate? So
let's

imagine we kept climbing up the
spectrum, and then we hit where

Steve is. I.

She was mean to you, and I now
need to stand up for you,

because clearly you don't need
know how to stand up for

yourself. Wife. You don't know
how to set boundaries, you don't

know how to speak your truth.
You don't even know how to tell

your children how you truly
feel.

And I would even assert, Steve,
you don't have a clue either.

I see Ellen laughing, laughing.
Steve thinks he knows exactly

how Janet feels, and he don't
even know neither, because Janet

isn't telling anyone the truth.

Janet talk to me. Sister, true.

Yeah, the truth is, I never
learned how to express my

feelings ever in my life,

and I'm so angry at all these
people around me that they can't

read my mind well, that was
wrong with

them? Why are they not giving me
what I need, and they expect me

to give them what they need.

I am just like my daughter. I am
just like my daughter, I'm just

like my daughter, I'm just like
my daughter, I am just like my

daughter, I'm just like my
daughter. Oh my God, my daughter

learned it from me.

I'm just saying that, just for
shits and giggles. What does it

make you feel, Janet, when I say
it, that's true. So how about we

do this now, just like you said,
because here's the truth, there

is a part of you that's like
your daughter, and there is a

part of your daughter that's
just like you, and the part of

your daughter that you love

is just like you,

and the part of your daughter
that pisses you off the most is

just like you,

and Steve thinks he has to be in
the middle like a referee

between A god damn mother and
her daughter, and that will

never work, because no man,
especially a stepfather, is ever

going to come in between a
mother and her daughter. So

Steve,

I've given you a job that was
never yours,

truth,

and I need to take back my
power,

and I need to start having
honest conversations, but

they're going to start first
with me, myself and I,

and if I could bust through the
Pray at pride, pride, which is,

she hurt me.

Do you know who I am? Do you
know what I've been through? Do

you know what my childhood was
like? You think yours is bad?

You'd have a clue. Kid.

Is that true too? Janet,

okay, we need to not only have
the camera on me, you need to

now speak.

Yeah. I mean, I mean the same,
like the way that I was raised

was exactly like, you know, keep
your mouth shut. It was never

any abuse or anything, but it
was always like my my feelings

were never validated, right? So
I am now continuing to treat

myself the way that I was
treated as a child, and I'm

somehow expecting my children to
break this generational trauma

for me. So even when my daughter
had the courage to come to me

and tell me how she felt,

I couldn't be responsible enough
for my own feelings to just say,

Let's go out for a cup of tea

and talk,

and then let's take a walk in a
few days and just walk.

And then maybe next week we
could just have a cup of tea.

And then bit by bit, you'll
start to see the real me

as a woman,

and I'll get to know you as a
woman.

And I really hope that

soon you're going to be able to
see me for the woman I really,

really am, and I'm going to get
to see you for the woman that

you really, really are, because
you're my daughter, and I love

you,

and

we have to get Steve out of the
picture here, because he loves

me, and he just is trying to
protect me, and I haven't done a

good job at protecting myself,
and I don't need to protect

myself from you, because you're
my kid, and we're going to be

Fine. I don't even know if any
that's true. What do you think

Janet? No, that's, that sounds
amazing. And it's, it's not like

he's getting involved. It's,
she's the one who brought him

into it, saying, Well, how come
he doesn't what? What's he

doing? Is he gonna apologize?

Is for, you know, whatever
Trump, whatever drama was

created, if he's not going to
apologize how I don't know how

that's going to affect our
relationship. Yeah, and I

totally would validate your
daughter and say I can

understand that I accept that,
you know, how we did the

acceptance of the churning.
Imagine if you could say to your

daughter, you know,

I don't like it,

and I don't agree with it, and I
wish it didn't happen, but I

did. It did, and now

I and as I say that it's like,
there's a realization of like, I

don't like it either I don't
like it either I don't like how

you and Steve are getting along.
I don't like it for you. I don't

like it for him. I don't like it
for any of us, I don't like it

either,

like, when we have to, like,
fight the righteous fight. It's

like we can't just actually all
say the truth, like the truth is

we're all angry, and you know,
what I'm really hearing under it

is jealousy and competitiveness
between your husband and your

children, fighting for mommy,

fighting for you and your love,

and they're all kind of
competing with each other,

and they all just want you To be
happy.

That's what like? Why does he
get to be what? Why do you love

him still? You and you're not
mad at him, but you're mad at

me, and if he doesn't apologize,
and then Steve's saying, well,

if she doesn't apologize, and
you're just want to be like,

Girl, the fuck up, both of you.
That's what I said. I said you

guys, if you can't do it for
yourselves, do it then do it for

me. They're not okay. Sierra,
she just used guilt there. She's

so you're so stuck in the pride
shame loop that you're like, do

it for me, that for me, get
along with each other, for me.

Well, that never will work.
That's force. Yeah. Power is

what would courage have you do
for you, Janet, now that you

know, now that you know that you
created a dynamic where, for

whatever reason, you didn't feel
comfortable being able to really

express how you feel, and now
you want to do it differently.

And you're part of this equation
too, and you can't change Steve,

and you can't change your
daughter, but here's what, you

can change you, and you can
change how you've been doing it,

and you can catch yourself, and
when your daughter starts to go,

I know, but you say, I know, but
we're not going to do it that

way anymore.

I know. I don't like it either,
and I accept that it got to a

point that we all got a little
ugly and it got messy, and

everybody was in fear, and I
found out I had cancer, and

everybody was freaking out, and
nobody knew how to deal with

their sorrow and their fear and
their anger, and it imploded on

all of us, and

I'm getting healthy,

and I I'm ready to heal myself.

And I have to do this for me
guys. So you guys got to figure

out what you all want to do.

But Janet, what would courage
have you do right now? Like one

single step around this? What
would courage have you do?

And I think I'm I'm gonna have
to

kind of lead them and say to
Steve,

you know what? We have to
separate your relationship with

because she doesn't live in this
province, so it's not as though

she's coming to visit us or
anything. So I don't have that

dynamic right now, but at least,
just saying, You know what,

I'm usually the I'm going to be
the one that goes where she is,

and he's not going to come
anyways, because he's without

her. Why? Why would you want him
to come? Right? Go see your

daughter. Go see your daughter
without your husband. Go spend

some time with your daughter.
She has a new baby. Go see your

daughter and your grandchild,
and spend some time with your

daughter. And when you realize
that you're starting to drive

each other crazy, go to a hotel

and then go back and have
breakfast out somewhere where

you can hang out and have coffee
and then go back to your hotel.

Yeah, and keep boundaries and
don't talk about Steve. And when

she starts to bring up Steve,
this is what you say. I know it

was really hard.

It was really hard, and I'm
sorry that it was so hard. And

you don't say this is what kids
can't deal with, but it's the

past, and don't bring it up
anymore. You can't say it's like

that. You have to say things
like, I know it was hard, and if

I knew now, if I knew then what
I know now, I would have done it

differently. I wish I could have

and I'm sorry,

and I love you

and forgive me. You.

And I just want to make it
better from this point on.

And then, if she's a shithead,
she's a shithead, then she's a

shithead, but that you don't
have to take on her, then you

have to realize, okay, I can
continue to stay neutral. At

least I don't have to pour love
on her, but I don't have to pour

any anger on her, and I don't
have to apologize anymore. I

don't have to feel guilty
anymore. I've made my amends. I

said I'm sorry. I love you.
Forgive me. We're going to do it

differently from this point on,
and then you have to just keep

doing it differently. You, and
they might keep falling back

into old patterns because

they're not aware like you are,

and they're not in a health
crisis that you are. And you

know, I always say necessity is
the mother of invention, because

once you need something, you
will invent exactly what you

need to do to get those needs
met. And they don't need to do

this healing right now in their
mind's eye, but you do

so now you're going to do this
for you. So what would courage

have you do this week? Janet,
for you, not your husband and

not your daughter. What would
courage have you do this week?

For you, for me, this week, I
would like to start my studies

for pet.

For me, the laugh of truth.

It's the best time that you now
start putting your energy into

empowering yourself.

Empower yourself, and

the rest will take care of
itself. Janet, so

what are you going to do this
week? You're going to go to your

SWAT library.

You're going to open up your
next lesson, you're going to do

your next assignment, and you're
going to upload it, and you're

going to check the little check
box that says Complete ding,

and then you're going

to go, that was easy.

I feel better. I just took all
that energy that I was just

spinning and spiraling and
focused it in on something, and

action is the antidote to
despair. Oh, I like that. So now

you're just going to take some
inspired action, and you won't

have time, or even the energy,
to think about being sad

anymore, because you got shit to
do. You got a course to finish,

you got women to help. You got a
life to live. Focus on the

courses that I'm in. Instead of
looking for more to join. Don't

let yourself buy another thing.
No, you're also gonna put

yourself on a take your credit
card, cut it up and go, no, oh,

I memorized it. I think that's
Janet. Janet is one of those

women who have memorized her
credit card number. She knows

the numbers off my heart, like
someone asked me, like, did you

want to buy? Do I have a credit
card? I'll have to go find that.

Just like, I'll just buy another
one. I'll buy another one. I'll

buy another one. If I buy enough
books that I never read,

somehow, through osmosis, I'm
going to become enlightened.

That's it.

Thank you. Thank you, Janet,
thank you for such a great

conversation today, ladies, I
gotta say that I love

Empowerment Coaching, because
time and time again,

we do have a laugh, we do talk
about hard things, but

inevitably,

there's a shift that always
happens. And when you change the

way you look at things, the
things you look at change. And I

would love right now for you to
take a deep breath and do what

we do. Let's finish the call the
way we started it. Let's put two

feet on the floor. Sit tall. I
always look at those sits bones.

Pull the little mini butt out.
Sit tall. Breathe that in what

just happened,

because I know something in this
conversation landed exactly

where it needed do for you, and
exhale

and just breathe in whatever you
needed today, and think about

what you took away from that
conversation,

what spoke to you, what shifted
inside of you, because

empowerment isn't just about
hearing the truth, it's about

choosing what you do with it. So
take a moment again to feel it,

to own it, and to decide what
comes next for you. Empowerment

equals choice, and if today's
session move something inside of

you. Don't keep it to yourself.
Please share this episode with

another woman who needs it. Make
sure you've subscribed to my

podcast, because next week,
we're going even deeper every

week. And if you're ready for
real transformation, if you want

to step into a whole new work at
a whole new level, maybe you

eat.

Might want to join our
empowerment coach certification.

We are getting started March 25
for our Master Empowerment Coach

Certification (MECC). And this is just
the beginning, because here's

the truth, you are powerful
beyond measure, and now it's

time to rise until next time. Be
Simply...Woman!

that's it for today's episode of
The Simply...Woman podcast.

There's something shifted for
you today. Don't stop here. Take

the next step if you want to be
coached live on the show. Join

us Inside the Simply...Woman
podcast studio. Sign up now at

www.SWATinstitute.com/podcast

www.SWATinstitute.com/podcast.
Make sure to

subscribe so you never miss an
episode. And if you're ready to

go even deeper, check out the
Master Empowerment Coach

Certification, because the world
needs more women leading the

way. And now I leave you with
just one question, what would

Courage have you do?